4ths Captain
Mike Kaye

Jan 06 - enlarge

11th March - Nottingham 2 Bridge 5ths 0

Yallop wallops Bridgford. Gently.

This was a memorable day for Stephen Yallop who assumed the captaincy of Team 4 and thereby became, at the tender age of 16, Nottingham’s youngest ever skipper. I may be wrong here but to my, albeit limited, knowledge he’s also the only captain of the club to have had his arse waxed.

With a clutch of boys and a well-marshalled defence, Bridgford 5s put up a solid, if unthreatening performance, that frustrated the fuck out of Nottingham and had a soporific effect on the watchful club captain who was, it transpired, saving his larynx for Team 3’s encounter at the University.

Indeed, chances came and went in a first half remarkable only for a promising debut at right back from Duncan ‘Vampire’ Burd. For once he was not sporting his Billabong hat, and with his gnarled features, grizzly ginger beard and vintage 1957 stick, he soon made himself at home amid the gnarled and grizzly features of Team 4.

0-0 at half time, Yallop urged his troops for more volume, more commitment and more energy. It seemed to work as Nottingham began to dominate the second half, with Sisson perhaps the pick of the team. He ran, he tackled, he played a series of incisive passes that lacerated the visitors’ defence and, remarkably, he didn’t whinge. Not even once.

Eventually, this more positive approach bore fruit and what a succulent piece it was. A wonderful lob from Gallagher looped over the defence and Rogers scurried in to finish with a plum. Sorry, aplomb.

Without a goal since his winner at Brum Uni back in October, Gallagher was lurking like a lone wolf, always on the prowl and drooling with saliva at the prospect of a kill. His hunger was satiated (yes, it is a lovely word, isn’t it?) when the gambolling Sisson pulled back a tasty pass from the touch line to the rangy wolfman who swept and slapped it into the backboard. His howl of delight reverberated round the plains and with a huge grin (ooh Granny, what big teeth you have!) , he danced off to the side, opened his arms and exhorted his teammates to come and kiss him. Suffice to say, on this occasion, there was only one taker – David Rogers, a man who also knows the beauty of the over-zealous goal celebration. But more on that later.

The game ended 2-0, as a flurry of snow and a cold Northerly wind blew over Goosedale. Yallop declared himself satisfied with the result and handed the armband back to Kaye who commented that the game had been played in something akin to the atmosphere one might expect in a morgue. Did Rogers know what one is? “Of course, you patronising git! It’s a place where dead people live.” And with that apposite summary, the team retired to the warmth of the fire place to leave a distinctly morose looking* David on the bench for the Team 2 game against Stourport.

Footnote: This moribund attitude had, it gives me great delight to write, vanished 90 minutes later. Rogers came off the bench to help himself to a second half hatrick for the Alternatives. After his failure – twice! – last week to retrieve the match ball from the Cannock net, his celebration of his second was, and there is no other suitable adjective, Rogeresque. The ball and his teammates were back in place, awaiting the restart but where was the goal machine? The enigmatic Son of Gregory was only sitting like some goddamn smiling Buddha in the back of the oppo’s goal! I must say this is my personal favourite of all the celebrations I’ve been fortunate enough to witness this season – even better than when he used his stick to ‘machine gun’ the rooftop spectators at Beeston! Yes, Mr Rogers, we love you and we salute you!

Report: MJK

And by popular demand -
Captn Kaye's last report from the archives. Leek 12th November
Bridg victory (DL) - Bridgford 26th November
Edge 1-0 loss (MJK) - Egde 10th Dec
Barford 1 - 8 w (DL) - Barford 14th Jan
Cannock 2 -1 L (MJK) - Cannock 21st Jan
Bridge 5 - 2 w & night out (AG) - Bridge 28th Jan
Brum Uni 6-0 w (PY) - B'ham Uni 4th Feb
Beeston - pearl neclace (MJK) - Beeston 12th Feb
Leek stir fried - 5-2 (MJK( - Leek Feb 25

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